first there was the word

This past weekend, angel teacher Jessica Kung taught a beautiful Tibetan Heart Yoga workshop at Lotus. She raised the interesting point that Eastern practitioners believed that the body was a holy machine for enlightenment. The yoga asanas were considered to be ways to move and pose your body to magically transform it into light. The practices were realized in deep meditation, and Eastern medicine developed language that reflected this magical, sacred view of the body - channels, chakras, winds, and elements. In contrast, the language Western medicine has developed for describing a living body was developed from dissecting cadavers. When we think of our bodies, we think of flesh, blood, bones, guts, muscle, etc., and not of light, energy and a vessel for realizing the divine. Jessica challenged us to change the way we view ourselves. Instead of thinking about a tight hamstring, envision winds of energy in the body. Envision finding the element of earth -- stable, grounded and supported -- in the legs as they make contact with the ground, and then sending the elements of wind and water to the back of the legs as you stretch forward.

For me, a person who is always suffering from one physical ailment or another (sore knees, tight rotator cuffs, etc.), this was earth-shattering. I was able to use my mind to transform the way I see my body, and my body responded! Lama Christie has said that the objects of meditation are like blank paintings; however your mind paints the object is how you will see it. And we can use the paintbrush of our concentration to change our ordinary view of our lives.

The use of language defines how we see our world. It is not accident that the bible says, "First there was the Word." (John 1:1) Before a baby has learned the word "pen," that object can be a dog's chew toy, a stake to support tomatoes, a sword, or any number of things that we can't imagine because our perception is limited by the word "pen." In yoga, the use of the language of Western medicine can define your practice in a way that doesn't serve the purpose of yoga. Think about the power of the language you use in all aspects of your life. Change the language; change your experience.

who's your Shiva?

In Hinduism, Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva represent the three primary aspects of the divine and are collectively known as the Trimurti. In this school of religious thought, Brahma is the creator, Vishnu is the maintainer or preserver, and Shiva is the destroyer or transformer. More than the other two, Shiva is a god of ambiguity and paradox, whose attributes include opposing themes. In the Mahabharata, Shiva is depicted as "the standard of invincibility, might, and terror", as well as a figure of honor, delight, and brilliance. Shiva is responsible for change both in the form of death and destruction, as well as shedding old habits and re-birth.

In meditation today, a teaching came to me: "you must first develop a healthy sense of Self before having the direct realization that your self, as you have traditionally seen it, is empty." I thought about how I had perceived my first husband as Shiva in my life - someone who's anger felt like it would destroy me. (I want to note that this was my perception.) But because he was in my life, I figured out who I was, and how to be strong in my sense of "Self." Because he was on my path, I have a beautiful daughter, discovered yoga, and live a wonderful life where I am able to be of service to many people. Thus, he completely embodied the duality of Shiva's fearful and auspicious attributes.

As my sense of "Self" has changed, so has my understanding of my experience with him. I have come to see my part in everything that happened between us. I have come to see how my experiences were coming from me, not at me. And my memories, and feelings about what happened between us have changed. When I met with my teacher on Monday, she said that "memories are empty. They have no hard and fast self-existent nature. Therefore, they are infinitely changeable. As you change your present, you change your past." At first this was hard to comprehend, but as I have "cooked it" the past two days, I have begun to understand it. And I am grateful for all of the times that Shiva has manifested in my life to tear me down so that I can re-build and grow.

the body is a losing proposition

Our bodies are not perfectible. Face it. No matter how much we exercise, moisturize, hydrate, and diet, eventually we will sag, wrinkle, and decay. I say this not to be morbid, but as a plain truth. The body is just a losing proposition. All it is ultimately useful for is as a vehicle. And the place to go with it is to enlightenment -- ultimate happiness -- nirvana -- heaven on earth -- whatever you want to call it. How? First - reinvest the sacred into your world. Treat EVERYTHING as sacred. Eat and exercise not for your vanity, but so that your body can support your spiritual development -- so that you can be a being who helps others. View every interaction, every experience, as a lesson to help you realize the true nature of reality. The person who cuts you off in traffic is teaching you patience and compassion. Losses are lessons in impermanence. Etc. Second, meditate EVERY DAY! 10 minutes a day is better than 30 minutes once in a while. Meditation is the only way you are going to be able to look at and dissect the obstacles you have that get in the way of your own happiness. And you need to figure this out right away, because you can't show people the way out of a burning building if you haven't found the exit. Third, examine your thoughts and actions all the time, every day. Stop gossiping and talking ill of people. As the Buddha said, to be aware of a single shortcoming in yourself is more useful than being aware of 1000 in someone else. Be scrupulously truthful and honest. Whenever you want something in your life - make sure someone else gets it first. If you don't want something in your life, help other people eliminate it from theirs.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but it's a start. Being tight bodied, wrinkle free, wealthy, successful are EMPTY of happiness in and of themselves. They are not guarantees of joy. Only your mind can bring that to you.

calling all angels

It is very common in yoga class (as in life) for one student to compare herself with another and feel like the other student has a much better practice. Students get down on themselves, no matter how much the teacher tries to impress upon them that yoga is not a competitive sport! I have been there, done that. When I first started practicing yoga regularly, I was often in a class with another woman, who I will call Arden, here. Arden's practice was amazing. She was beautiful, fluid, flexible, tall, gorgeous. Often, I didn't even want to practice -- just stare at her. Sometimes, I felt as though I would never be flexible enough, or strong enough, or "good" enough.

But my perception of Arden's practice was coming from me. I later learned that Arden was constantly frustrated with herself. She, in and of herself, did not radiate "perfect yoga practice." In fact, Arden's perception of her own practice was so different. Just as my perceptions of Arden were colored by my feelings and emotions, so were my perceptions of me. My perception of myself as not thin enough, flexible enough, or strong enough were not objective and couldn't be. And in the present moment, those perceptions were causing me to suffer because I believed I should be different. I was clinging to an ideal that I had created for myself.

If I were teaching myself then, with what I know now, here is the meditation I would lead myself through:

After finding a stable, grounded seat and focusing on the breath, imagine that you have a sun roof on the top of your head. Open the sun roof, and let your body start to absorb the blue sky -- a bright, robin's egg blue sky, that fills and suffuses your body with each breath. See your thoughts as clouds that pass through the blue sky. Innocuous passing thoughts are like fluffy, white clouds. Difficult lingering thoughts -- like anger, self-doubt, self-criticism -- are like storm clouds -- and the longer they linger, the grayer and thicker they are. Remember that even though storm clouds can obscure the blue sky, when they finally pass, the sky is there, still blue and clear and pristine. This is a metaphor for your true nature. Your true nature is clear and bright and expansive. Your thoughts sometimes obscure your true nature, but it is always there.

Visualize yourself as the kindest, most benevolent, loving, radiant person you can be. Come back to this vision time and time again throughout your practice. Remember that the goal of the practice of yoga is not to have a tight butt and thin thighs (although that can be a nice side benefit!), but to prepare you to be a spiritual warrior. We are happiest in the world when we are in touch with our highest selves. And when we look at others and see them as their highest selves, our joy is unlimited. Try to spend the rest of the day (the goal is an entire lifetime -- but better to start one day at a time), seeing yourself as an angel whose mission is to make others happy. Try to spend the rest of the day seeing everyone else around you as an angel. See that every action they take has the purpose of teaching you lessons on the path to your own enlightenment.

If you decide to give this meditation a try, let me know how it works for you!

teachers everywhere

Yesterday morning I sat to meditate. I had a specific meditation in mind, but instead, my thoughts kept turning to a friend. I had seen her recently, and within a few moments, she expressed how much she "detests" one person, and how much she dislikes someone else. At the time, I was taken aback with the intensity she exuded just recalling these people. I didn't say anything at the time, but in meditation, my mind kept turning to this, and also how often she has assumed that people don't like or respect her. My friend is one of the most loving, compassionate, caring people I have ever met. She feels other people's pain intensely and will not stop at anything to help. But she also rides a roller coaster of anticipating and assuming the worst from people, loving some, hating others and always preparing to be disappointed. Her moods and outlook on life fluctuate constantly. I was reminded of a story:

A little girl and her mother were walking in the mountains.
Suddenly, the girl falls, hurts herself and screams,
“AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
To her surprise, she hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:”AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
Curious, the girl yells: “Who are you?”
She receives the answer: “Who are you?”
And then the girl screams to the mountain: “You’re Stupid”
The voice answers: “You’re Stupid”
Frustrated at the response, the girl screams: “I Hate You”
She receives the answer: “I Hate You”
She looks to her mother and asks: “What’s going on?”
The mother smiles and says: “My daughter, pay attention.”
The mother screams: “You are a champion!”
The voice answers: “You are a champion!”
The mother screams: “I love you!”
The voice answers: “I love you!”
The girl is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the mother explains: “People call this ECHO,
but really this is LIFE. It gives you back
everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.”
If you want more love in the world,
create more love in your heart.
If you want people to respect you, respect them.
This relationship applies to everything,
in all aspects of life.

The echo taught the girl; my friend teaches me.

Before, After and Now

I almost never like pictures of myself at the time they are taken. The "me" that looks out of my eyes is in many ways the "me" from photos taken in high school and college, but with all of the wisdom of the 20 years since then. So I am always taken by surprise with the crinkles, wrinkles, and chronic fatigue that I see in new photos. I've noticed, however, that when I look at a photo from a few years ago, I like it a lot more than I did when it was taken. I think, "boy, I looked really good back then. How come I didn't realize it at the time?" And come to think of it, I wasn't that happy with myself in high school and college anyway -- always wishing I were a little thinner, a lot taller, that my hair was straighter, my waist smaller .... So maybe the trick is to always look at photos with the eyes of my future self. Because then, in hindsight, I'll look pretty damn good.