wait for it...

There's nothing like finding out your child has head-lice to throw your day into disarray. Spending hours picking nits out of Samy's hair was an exercise in patience and compassion. (By the way, I recommend a concoction of olive oil mixed with tea tree, rosemary, eucalyptus and lavender essential oils. Leave it on for one hour. Shampoo and then comb through with one of those super fine-tooth combs.) Just as I was at my wit's end, Samy said the most profound thing. "You know mom, the other day, my friend shouted in the playground: 'I hate Jewish people. They don't believe in God.' I said that I was part Jewish, and I would be sad if she hated me. She asked me if I believe in God. I said that I don't believe there's someone sitting in space watching us. I believe that God is everywhere and in everything beautiful. I believe that God is the goodness in people's hearts."

Thank you oh lice, for giving us this time together.

"Teach me your ways O Lord,
And I will walk in your path.
Give me an undivided heart,
And I will fear your name.
I will praise you,
O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever."
Psalm 86:11-1

home alone

I am home alone. My husband and younger daughter Samy are away skiing. Mariel, my older daughter is spending the day with her dad. And I am home alone. In the years following my divorce from Mariel's father, being home alone was excruciating. I didn't know what to do with myself. Mariel's absence was like a wound. Now, I stretch my mind and body out in my empty house, luxuriating in the possibilities. I have a list - meditate, walk the dog, read, visit Walpan, do an asana practice, take a nap - and I can organize it, change it up, however I want. A different time, a different perspective, can make an experience that once was agonizing feel delicious.

a good sit

I try to meditate for at least 20 minutes every day. It doesn't always happen. Sometimes, I oversleep. Sometimes a little buddha comes and sits on my lap and starts chanting OM, which is lovely but distracting. But sometimes, it happens and it is beautiful. Today in meditation I saw myself as a big outline with every being I have ever had contact with as "living" inside of me and inside each of them was everyone they have ever known and so on. So that inside the outline of "me" were infinite beings. I was aware that my whole concept of "I" depends on all of the interactions I have had with all of these beings, and their concepts of "I" depend on their interactions with all of the beings in their lives, and so on, so that there is no one "me." Instead, we are all made up of infinite beings, and everyone else any of them have ever known. I felt as if the whole universe was inside of me and that I was part of the universe all at the same time. I then became aware that the air I was breathing is shared with every other sentient being on this planet. I felt a tremendous kinship with everyone in the world, and felt us all dissolve into one being and no being. We are all just light, inhaling the same air and exhaling into the same atmosphere like one organism.