One Thing Every Day

Today, I woke up feeling sluggish. All the passion and intensity I've felt since we got back from Guatemala seemed to have drained away. Up until this morning, I had been filled with a sense of urgency -- as if I had to make every moment count to be of service to the world. This morning, I awoke filled with lethargy. And I wondered if I would be able to muster my passion and enthusiasm, or whether I would lapse back into life as usual. Although my usual life is filled with a lot of volunteerism, it is also filled with the usual moments of irritability, malaise, and dissatisfaction. Like most people, I have days where I just can't wait for bedtime...

But then, I watched a film sent to me by my niece about the abduction of children in Uganda. If you don't know about this issue, you should watch it. It is horrifying and I immediately had to do something about it. So I did. I watched the movie, I signed a pledge, I made a donation, and I shared the link with everyone and anyone I knew. It woke me up. I decided to make a challenge for myself -- to do one thing every day to make the world a better place. And I created a facebook page for the challenge -- because if I do it publicly, I will hold myself accountable.

So here's my challenge: Take a pledge that for the next 30 days, you will do something -- ONE THING EVERY DAY -- to make the world a kinder, gentler, better place. It can be donating to a cause, picking up litter you see on the street, reaching out to someone in need, volunteering at a school, soup kitchen, animal shelter -- just ONE THING EVERY DAY -- and share it to inspire others. Feel free to re-post, share with all your friends, etc!

I hope that we'll share causes and inspire each other to do good and be good. We can't all do big acts every day. But if we keep it small, we'll see that doing something good and generous for 30 days is very possible. To quote from one of my favorite books, The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: "whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world..." So flap your wings people!

Gifts That Keep Giving

I love how things just fall into place here in Guatemala. During our visit to San Antonio des Aguas Calientes, the grandmother -- Abuella -- heard we were going the next day to Santa Maria de Jesus and said she wanted to come too. We assumed she knew people in SMDJ, and wanted to visit. We arranged that she would meet us in the Parque Central -- the central square of Antigua.

At noon on Sunday, we drove up to the central square, and sure enough, there she was. In the winding car ride up Volcan Agua, it turned out that she didn't know anyone in SMDJ. But she had never been in a car before (she's 61) and wanted to get out for the day! Then, as we drove up, the driver asked us if we knew how to get to either Edgar's or our other family's house. We didn't, but had faith that somehow it would work out. As we rounded the turn from the mountainside into SMDJ, there was Edgar, leaning against a concrete post, waiting for us with his bicycle, wearing his Gas Lamp Players' "Show Me The Beast" t-shirt! And we followed him to his family's house.

It is hard to explain the deprivation in which Edgar's family lives. Edgar's mother is nursing her 11th child, who is only 3 months younger than Edgar's baby, and our godson, Elmer. Edgar has two older sisters who are married and live nearby with their husbands; the other 8 children are 14 and under. For a while, the entire family was homeless because Edgar's father had a drinking problem and stopped working. But he stopped and now works seasonally on a coffee plantation picking and sorting beans, for which he makes $4 a day. Off season, he tries to find construction work at $2 - $3 a day.

Edgar supports his wife and son, and supplements his father's income with his work for "From Houses to Homes," (FHTH) for which he is immensely grateful. He and his parents each live in homes built by FHTH and the other children sleep in a cornstalk shack between the two cinderblock houses. The families have two "kitchens" -- cornstalk enclosures with a fire inside. They all share one outhouse -- a hole in the ground with a bottomless toilet on top of it. The compound is enclosed by cornstalk "walls," and, except for the concrete floors of the FHTH homes, the "floors" are dirt. It is incredibly dusty. All of the children are covered with layers of grime that they wash off with rainwater collected in big drums.

Edgar's younger siblings' shoes are worn and cracked. One of the pairs of sneakers that we brought (thank you Annie Bayne) fit his youngest brother and you can not imagine how excited he was to receive them. When we were leaving, kids from the neighboring alleys came running up to admire them, getting down on their knees in the dirt to trace their fingers over them. And Edgar's brother was as proud of them as Dorothy her ruby slippers. It was that exciting.

On Saturdays, Edgar supplements his FHTH income with other construction work or coffee bean sorting. On Sundays, he rests and also tries to learn English. He proudly showed us a tape he is using to teach himself. I noticed that his English is much improved since we were here in February. None of Edgar's siblings go to school -- the family simply can't afford the meager school supplies that Guatemalan children are expected to provide for themselves. But Edgar is determined that his son's life will be different. And so it shall.

After visiting for about 1/2 hour, we went to see our "first family" we built for last February -- Flore, Tomas, Blanca, little Tomas and Jessica. They are well, and I am happy to say that the 3 chickens we bought last time we were here have not been consumed! They are each sitting on 10 eggs apiece, which will bring a nice income to the family.

Throughout or visit, Abuella kept a keen eye on all that was going on. It seemed perfectly natural to everyone that our "grandmother" from another family would be visiting our other families. When we brought her back home at the end of the day, she bestowed many blessings upon us. She is quite a woman -- I think that with education, there would have been no stopping her.

Prosperity and Faith

Yesterday on WNYC, I listened to a program about the "Prosperity Gospel," a Pentacostal Christian movement that claims that the recession, and people's economic struggles, come from lack of faith in, or disobedience to, God. My immediate thought was, how mean-spirited and unfair. After all, Jesus and his followers were not wealthy people. Jesus was particularly kind and compassionate towards those who were disenfranchised from society, and critical of the wealthy and sometimes hypocritic members of the upper-class. How can these preachers chastise their followers and accuse them of causing their own economic woes by not believing or praying enough?

But then I thought about the question another way. Can you be poor from lack of faith? I believe the answer is yes. Think about this country. We have wealth and leisure time that are unimaginable to people like Flor and Thomas. And yet, Americans take anti-depressants in record numbers. We careen through relationships; we are continually dissatisfied or bored with our lives. Our secular lives, our emphasis on consumerism, have not brought us deep and lasting happiness. They can't. On the other hand, there are people in the world who have very little, and yet they are content and peaceful. Whether it is a belief in the dharma, Jesus, or secular humanism, we must have faith in something beyond ourselves. We must help others; that is what really makes us happy. We must measure our wealth in love and happiness, not possessions. Otherwise, no matter how much we have, we will be poor in spirit.

I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace. H.H.D.L.

From Houses to Homes

We are flying home from Guatemala, after building for a lovely family. They are Flore, the mother, Thomas, the father, and three children: Blanca, age 7, Thomas, age 5 and Jessica, age 2. Their home was a one-room, windowless shack, roughly the size of our dining room in New Jersey. The walls were made of dried cornstalks on the outside and sheets of black plastic on the inside. The floors were hardened dirt. In the shack were two beds – one for the parents and one for the three children. The only source of light was a circular, dim fluorescent bulb as the village got electricity a year ago.

They have a small kitchen adjacent to the one room. It has a stone oven, heated with wood, and a small counter. The bathroom is another little cornstalk shack, with a bottomless toilet seat that opens to a deep hole in the ground. The family collects rainwater in big barrels, and uses a bucket of water to occasionally “flush” the toilet. There is no running water. Children under four don’t use the outhouse; they urinate in the yard.

There were 6 adults on our team, all of whom were donating their time. There were also 3 young Guatemalan men, who I later learned all lived in houses built by From Houses to Homes. After seeing how FHTH changed the lives of their families, they each volunteered with FHTH to learn construction, and then became employees. Thomas, the father of the family we were building for, also helped.

It took 6 days of non-stop labor, but now the family lives in a much larger home, made of cinderblocks and cement. It has a window and a locking door, a proper cement floor and a tin roof that includes a plastic panel to let in natural light. On the last day, Flore and her two sister-in-laws cooked a delicious meal for the entire crew. They labored in the small kitchen for several hours. The kitchen was so smoke filled that I could only be in it for a moment or two before my eyes began to burn. However after Thomas served the crew outside, Flore, her relatives and all of their children ate inside the small smoky kitchen. This is their custom.

As the days progressed, more and more children from the neighborhood peeked in to see how the build was going. Most of the children in the village do not go to school. By the time children are 9, they are expected to help the family. The girls take care of their younger siblings and the boys work on farms. School costs money – approximately $5 a month, which is more than most of these families can afford. A day laborer can expect to earn at most $3 a day, and there isn’t work every day. However, Blanca and Thomas go to school. Flore walks them to and from each morning and afternoon, up a long steep hill and through the town of Santa Maria de Jesus. It is well over a mile, and Flore does it twice a day with baby Jessica tied to her back. This commitment to the education of their children is one of the reasons From Houses to Homes picked this family for a new house.

On the last day, we presented Flore and Thomas with the key to their new home, in a beautiful and emotional ceremony. So many people from the village came to see the house and witness their neighbor’s good fortune. It is hard to imagine that the lives of a family can be changed by the construction of a one-room house that is smaller than most New York studio apartments. And yet, for this family, in their world, it is a huge change. I felt so grateful to be able to participate in this build. To be able to reach out from my life and touch their lives; to make a connection and give a little of what I have to someone else, is a great gift. As always, the giver receives so much more than the recipient. It is important to be reminded that whatever we deem unsatisfactory in our lives is really nothing at all. To be around people whose hearts are so full despite having so little is quite a teaching. I look forward to returning to Guatemala soon.

I Am You and You Are Me

Just as an event does not stand alone and exist by itself, “I” do not stand alone and exist by myself. The “I” that is going to Guatemala to build homes with From Houses to Homes is but a link in a chain. It is easy to think that it is “me” who is going, but that “me” is made up of so many things: Parents and grandparents who not only gave me my DNA, but also instilled in me a belief that it is each person’s responsibility to help those in need. They taught me that the suffering of others is my own. “I” am also made from a husband who loves me unconditionally and supports my path, and children who are compassionate and caring about the world around them. “Me” is not separate from all of the experiences and people who have touched my life – the good and the bad. Each has shaped my idea of who I am. Take away one of these experiences, remove one person from my history, and who knows what, or how, I’d be. We are intertwined, beyond our wildest imaginings, knowingly or unwittingly planting the seeds for the future.

This Leads to That

Ceasing to do things will not make you "actionless." nor will you rise to perfection simply by renouncing actions. No one is free of actions even for a moment, because everyone is moved to do things by the quality of nature. In order to excel, mentally control the senses, let go of all attachments, and engage the body in Karma Yoga - selfless service. The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 3, verses 4-7.

Everything we do or say, everything that happens to us, is a link in a chain of events. Often we look at the things that happen to us as happening in their own right -- isolated in time and space. But millions of tiny events lead up to them. Change one link in the chain, and everything changes.

On Monday, my husband, younger daughter and I are going to Guatemala to build houses with From Houses to Homes, an amazing organization that changes the lives of the poor in Guatemala - one house at a time. When we were thinking of what do to during the February break from school, my younger daughter Samy asked, "can't we go somewhere and do good in the world?" From that question, our trip took shape.

I heard about this organization through another yoga teacher, with whom I did my first yoga teacher training 3 years ago. My friend Stacy has traveled to Guatemala 4 times with From Houses to Homes, and each time returns glowing with the joy of helping these people. In the past, I have made donations to the group on her behalf, to help her to go and to help purchase supplies for her to build. But giving money, while admirable, is no substitute for going, and interacting with these people, and seeing how our lives are intertwined.

Our trip was almost derailed by the big snowstorm that closed airports and canceled flights last Wednesday. It took hours of searching airline schedules, and speaking to different operators, but despite a 4 day delay, we are going because a persistent operator at Delta was able to re-schedule our flights. Samy's question and her desire to do good in the world, the fact that I did a yoga teacher training and met Stacy, the persistent Delta operator, are all links in a chain leading to our trip. And the trip will be a link in a continuing chain that is always unfolding. Can't wait!

let it flow

I am surrounded by angels. I walk my daughter to school each morning and Mr. Larry, the crossing guard, is there ushering children across the street and holding off cars as if they were fire-breathing dragons threatening his precious princes and princesses. "Come on over Samy," he calls, and Samy skips across the street, protected by an angel. I walk home and the irises in my front yard send their sweet scent to me, their iridescent purple colors gladdening my eyes. My dog bounds forward to greet me, her tail wagging; she showers me with unconditional love as if we'd been parted for eons, not just 5 minutes. (What if humans always greeted each other with this much affection?) My snowy white cat trots beside her -- a testiment to how beings from completely different species, supposedly natural antagonists, can find common ground. Later this morning, I will go to Samy's spring concert. Many little angels will lift their voices in song and their parents, all angels, will beam their love. Many of these parents have recently lost their jobs. Some are confronting selling their homes. Others are battling illnesses that their children know nothing about. There are hardships. But this morning, love will prevail. Just as a stream will erode the hardest stone, so love will overcome the hardest circumstances, if you let it flow.

love all as you love yourself

What Judaism meant to me growing up was contained in the Passover Seder. The sentences, read in unison around the table, summed up my understanding of what it meant to be Jewish:

"Today, wherever oppression remains, Jews taste its bitterness. We remember, it is we who were slaves, we who were strangers. And therefore, we remind ourselves, you shall not oppress another, for you know the feelings of the oppressed, having yourselves been slaves in the land of Egypt."

These words meant that I could not view myself as separate and apart from someone or a group of people who were suffering. It meant that I had to stop and help someone in need, just as I would have wanted someone to help my ancestors. It meant that I could never stand idly by. It was the bedrock of my upbringing, from the stories of my dad's experiences as a volunteer in the south in the 1960s doing legal work for voter registration drives, to taking in strays, to my mother's pioneering work in the 1970s and 80s to help low income children be diagnosed and receive assistance for dyslexia, the same way that middle and upper income children were.

At Passover, Jews are reminded of the story of our ancestors' flight to freedom and the hardships they endured. In Christianity, the parable of the Good Samaritan, often re-enacted this time of year, speaks to our prejudices and hard hearts toward suffering. It is good to be reminded of these stories. Face it -- who hasn't sometimes felt "better him than me," or "she got what she deserved," or "not in my backyard." We have all closed or averted our eyes from the unpleasant, thinking that we won't be touched. But the Passover and Good Samaritan stories teach us to love all people, not just those in our small circles or who are like us. We are so blessed; most of us have ample leisure time, relative prosperity, and safety to pursue our lives. Please make the most of this privileged life by feeling gratitude and working to relieve the suffering of others.

love your obstacles

I think Eve ate the apple because she was bored out of her mind. Living in a perfect world doesn't mean that there are never disagreements or obstacles. It means that we meet them with grace, compassion, patience and kindness. When things don't go our way, people disagree with us, or we can't get what we want, we often blame those things for our unhappiness or discontent. But the real cause is how we relate to these experiences. As Master Patanjali says in the Yoga Sutras, 2.3: "Ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion, and clinging to bodily life" are the cause of our problems. What would life be without hurdles to jump over, personalities and differences of opinion to negotiate and tolerate, or setbacks to make us stronger? Dull. Meet your obstacles with an open heart and mind. Look to what they teach you. Be inspired and intrigued, and keep growing.

waves

There's nothing like a walk to stimulate, elucidate and placate (Walt Frazier, do you read me?) the restless mind. Watching my dog play in the dog park -- sniffing and greeting dogs she plays with daily as if she's meeting them for the first time -- made me wonder what it is about human consciousness that makes our mind so restless in the present moment, but so comfortable bathing in the past and dreaming of the future? The moment we feel any happiness or discomfort in "what is," we're off and running after "what could be" or "what was." Why are we made this way?

I think it is no accident that I am reconnecting with people from long ago at the same time that something I've been involved in for many years is unraveling. In law school, you learn about the principle of "proximate cause." The law recognizes that there is not one distinct cause of an accident or injury, but a chain of events giving rise to it. However, for purposes of assessing liability, you look for the proximate, or most direct cause of the event. Our lives are a long chain of proximate causes. Upon reflection, I can see that the events that lead to and flowed from the break-up of my first marriage were proximate causes of the relationships that followed, including my marriage to my second husband. There is no event in my life distinct from the events that preceded it. The events in our lives are like waves in the ocean -- ebbing and flowing, but always born from and resolving back to a bigger body of water. Sometimes the connections only become apparent in hindsight, but no doubt they are there. To relate back to yesterday's post, all we can do is remain open and present to "what next?"

A poem I wrote in primary school:

WAVES
lapping gently upon the sand
never bothering to go far out on the land
sea-glass, driftwood, and shells you bring in
never bothering to see what is there
just quietly, endlessly lapping
never stopping.

nothing is for nothing

I have been thinking a lot about beginnings and endings. The economy has caused the end of so many careers, jobs and small business ventures. There is a lot of sadness, loss and worry going around. Thinking about this from a buddhist perspective gives me great comfort. In my own life, the "end" of things, whether relationships (my first marriage), careers (leaving theater for law school and leaving the law for motherhood and art), life-stages (my older daughter leaves for college next year), is often a time of great growth and self-realization. I learned more about myself and transformed my life to the life I truly want to live because of the "endings" I have experienced. And when you look closely at each experience, where was its "beginning," "middle," or "ending" anyway? There are just many millions of moments; the end of something may well be the beginning of something else.

While the "end" of something may feel sad and spur wondering of "what was the point anyway," the experience may result in transformation not just for you, but for those around you. I've been involved in a venture that looks like it's going to end. My whole family has invested a huge amount of time, money and emotion in it. Was it a waste? I don't think so. One participant gained confidence in her leadership abilities and tackled finances -- an area in which she had no previous experience. Another participant re-awakened skills and expertise she hadn't used in years, and helped many people with her vast knowledge, warmth and kindness. I learned about my strengths and my weaknesses. We all got to know each other and our families in ways we wouldn't have otherwise. So I think it was very valuable.

From one of my all time favorite books, The Phantom Tollbooth:

You may not see it now, but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth movest slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond; and whenever you're sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it's much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer...for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow.

You must never feel badly about making mistakes as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.

Change is the most fundamental law of nature. As my teacher Kelly Morris says, the cause of something's death or demise lies in its birth. It is not change that brings unhappiness, but our feelings and associations about the changes, and our denial of the fact that everything will change. In the Hindu epic, The Mahabarata, Yudhisthira is asked: “What is the greatest wonder in this world?" He replies, "People see death all around them, but do not believe they're going to die themselves. This is the greatest wonder.” Every experience is arising and passing moment by moment. What is beginning in your ending?

if time is on my side, why can't I see it?

I've reconnected on Facebook with people I went to camp with in the early '70s. In reconnecting with some of these people, my perspectives on some key experiences I had during two formative summers have been shaken up, causing me to look at them in a completely different way. In doing so, I've changed how I think about the past. This has inevitably altered how I think about myself in the present, which will undoubtedly change my future. Time is a funny thing, and how we think about our past, present and futures is loaded with emotions, memories, and all sorts of imprints. Is there an objective way to look at the past, or even the present? How can there be? And where is the present moment anyway? The minute you try to look at it, it's in the past. Can we have a present moment without the existence of past moments? How can we have a future, without either the past or the present? But just try to find any one of them.

hotel earth

Here at the Moon Palace (yes, I'm on vacation in a Mexican paradise), the staff is incredible. At every turn, there is someone to ask if you need help, if you would like another drink, or if you need anything at all. Each person I encounter seems genuinely happy to be of help. I imagine that the management must have said "the guests are here for a week. It is each of our jobs to make their stay here amazing. So anticipate their needs, see to their comfort, and take joy from making them happy from the minute they arrive until they check-out." This morning, I woke up thinking that it would be wonderful if each of us viewed ourselves as staff on hotel earth. That it is our job, our assignment, our mandate, to make the stay of all the other guests amazing. To anticipate each other's needs, see to each other's comfort, and take joy from making each other happy until we check out. Because we will. And we must. And we should.

a good sit

I try to meditate for at least 20 minutes every day. It doesn't always happen. Sometimes, I oversleep. Sometimes a little buddha comes and sits on my lap and starts chanting OM, which is lovely but distracting. But sometimes, it happens and it is beautiful. Today in meditation I saw myself as a big outline with every being I have ever had contact with as "living" inside of me and inside each of them was everyone they have ever known and so on. So that inside the outline of "me" were infinite beings. I was aware that my whole concept of "I" depends on all of the interactions I have had with all of these beings, and their concepts of "I" depend on their interactions with all of the beings in their lives, and so on, so that there is no one "me." Instead, we are all made up of infinite beings, and everyone else any of them have ever known. I felt as if the whole universe was inside of me and that I was part of the universe all at the same time. I then became aware that the air I was breathing is shared with every other sentient being on this planet. I felt a tremendous kinship with everyone in the world, and felt us all dissolve into one being and no being. We are all just light, inhaling the same air and exhaling into the same atmosphere like one organism.