nothing is for nothing

I have been thinking a lot about beginnings and endings. The economy has caused the end of so many careers, jobs and small business ventures. There is a lot of sadness, loss and worry going around. Thinking about this from a buddhist perspective gives me great comfort. In my own life, the "end" of things, whether relationships (my first marriage), careers (leaving theater for law school and leaving the law for motherhood and art), life-stages (my older daughter leaves for college next year), is often a time of great growth and self-realization. I learned more about myself and transformed my life to the life I truly want to live because of the "endings" I have experienced. And when you look closely at each experience, where was its "beginning," "middle," or "ending" anyway? There are just many millions of moments; the end of something may well be the beginning of something else.

While the "end" of something may feel sad and spur wondering of "what was the point anyway," the experience may result in transformation not just for you, but for those around you. I've been involved in a venture that looks like it's going to end. My whole family has invested a huge amount of time, money and emotion in it. Was it a waste? I don't think so. One participant gained confidence in her leadership abilities and tackled finances -- an area in which she had no previous experience. Another participant re-awakened skills and expertise she hadn't used in years, and helped many people with her vast knowledge, warmth and kindness. I learned about my strengths and my weaknesses. We all got to know each other and our families in ways we wouldn't have otherwise. So I think it was very valuable.

From one of my all time favorite books, The Phantom Tollbooth:

You may not see it now, but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth movest slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond; and whenever you're sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it's much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer...for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow.

You must never feel badly about making mistakes as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.

Change is the most fundamental law of nature. As my teacher Kelly Morris says, the cause of something's death or demise lies in its birth. It is not change that brings unhappiness, but our feelings and associations about the changes, and our denial of the fact that everything will change. In the Hindu epic, The Mahabarata, Yudhisthira is asked: “What is the greatest wonder in this world?" He replies, "People see death all around them, but do not believe they're going to die themselves. This is the greatest wonder.” Every experience is arising and passing moment by moment. What is beginning in your ending?