Breathe the Beauty

Books like The Secret Garden, The Phantom Tollbooth, and plays like Our Town, taught me long ago that beauty is everywhere, if we only stop to look and listen. I forget this all the time, but doing a simple breath meditation is a good way to slow down and really tune into the senses. And so was born this design.

Root Down, Blossom Up!

Everything We Need is Already Inside of Us

Inspired by my beautiful daughter, Mariel.

Be Your Own True Self

dedicated to all the people who are doing wonderful things to make the world a better place.

Dream It, Then Do It

Love is everything

and always.

I Will Love

I will not turn away but will pay attention and hold all beings, victims and perpetrators, in my heart, loving all as if they were all my children. I will love, I will love, I will love.

My Anger Magnified a Billion Times Makes My World

Yoga Sutra II.35: AHIMSA PRATISTHAYAM TAT SAMNIDHAU VAIRA TYAGAH.
In the presence of one firmly established in non-violence, all hostilities cease.

There is so much violence in the world. The situation in Syria seems so hopeless. The news of the sergeant in Afghanistan who went on a rampage killing 16 people is tragic on so many levels. My heart goes out to families of the victims, but also to the parents of this soldier and his friends and other close family. They must be suffering so much. What must have been going on in the heart of this man, on his third tour in Afghanistan, to commit such a crime? It is very sad.

Why do I see a world with so much violence in it? The tradition that I follow teaches me that the violence I see in the world outside of me is caused by my thoughts, words and actions towards others. How can this be? I am a kind and peaceful person. I do good things. I try to take care of others.

But not always. Like anyone else, I get angry. I get irritated. I am sometimes thoughtless and careless about other people's feelings. In the past, I haven't always been honest, and I have hurt people who were close to me. There are many things I do each day -- talking on my cellphone while driving (much less than I used to but still...), leaving myself too little time to get places and driving aggressively, snapping at my husband or daughter -- that "do harm." And little seeds grow up to be big trees.

Like everyone else, I have a difficult/irritating person in my life. Right now, he is "popping up" in all his difficulties. He is someone who you have to walk on eggshells around, because he misinterprets the most benign things as slights. He is always feeling disappointed by people. Many other people who know him share my view that he is difficult and unreasonable, making it seem all the more to me that he is, in and of himself, difficult and irritating and that I am absolutely correct in my view of him.

In really thinking about him, I realize that he is a very unhappy person. He really has very few friends, and has isolated himself in the community. I would not want to live in his skin, feeling like all the world is against me. I still don't like his actions, and will respond to them as skillfully as I can. When I consider his suffering, I am no longer irritated by him or angry at him.

It is hard work to come to this view. But it is the work I must do, and that we all must do, to see an end to violence in our world. If I can constantly remind myself that everyone, at heart, wants to be happy, I can be angry less, and compassionate more. It's not easy, but it will be worth it.

Life Is Short But Its The Longest Thing You Do

Yesterday, I went to a funeral for a friend who died after a long fight with breast cancer. In the mid '90s, I taught a cardio-funk class at the YMCA (because I'm just so funky y'all), and Lydia was one of the regulars in a terrific bunch of women who came every week to learn routines to "Thriller," "Rhythm Nation," and "Proud Mary," to name a few. I had recently gone through a divorce and was tip-toeing into the dating world, and these ladies were a great source of support, wit and wisdom. When I first met my now husband, he came to take the class, they vetted him, pronouncing him "worthy." At about the same time, Lydia met her soon to be husband Thomas, and we vetted him too.

Lydia had a huge smile and a bubbly personality. She was one of those warm, loving people who embrace life with arms wide open. She was wildly in love with her husband, beyond proud of her daughter, and a cheerleader for her friends.

I lost touch with Lydia shortly after my younger daughter was born. For the past 11 years, our paths barely crossed; we both were caught up in our lives, and plans to get together didn't materialize. I am sad to say that I didn't appreciate how grave her illness was. When I bumped into her lovely daughter from time to time, I would always send my love, intend to call, and not follow through.

The beautiful memorial service today made me think a lot about why good people die young. When someone "bad" dies or suffers through a horrible illness, we don't really think about it. We have a sense that perhaps they deserved it. And when "bad" people prosper and thrive, we feel that the universe has made a terrible mistake. But when good people suffer and leave us too early, we sit up and take notice. The tragedy transforms us, wakes us up, makes us think twice about how much we take for granted. We always think we'll have the time to connect, to say the things we want to say, until we just don't. So, sadly, we keep needing these reminders about how precious and fragile life is. I am so sorry that I had to get this reminder from Lydia, and that I didn't make a point to stay in touch with her.

Life is the longest thing we do. So make yours amazing. Make it count. Share your love and goodness anytime and anyway you can.

An Attitude of Gratitude

How many of your friends blame their parents for their problems? I know people who don't talk to their mothers or fathers, have purposely moved far away from them, or resent having to interact with them. The relationship many of us have with our mothers or fathers would be shocking to people in many other societies. To be honest, at various times of my life, I have blamed my mother various things -- periods of low self-esteem and a bad body image, relationship woes -- you name it.

Yesterday, my daughter's school, the wonderful Montclair Cooperative, agreed to become the sister school to Escuela Kimna'oj in Santa Maria de Jesus, Guatemala. After the meeting with the principal, I was overcome with emotion thinking of how my parents created so many possibilities for me. So it felt good to call my mom and dad and thank them -- for creating me, for changing my diapers and wiping my butt!, for instilling in me good morals and ethics, and for all the help they have given me over the years to realize my dreams. It was important to me to speak to them and thank them for my life. This "attitude of gratitude" made me feel really happy. And it's no surprise that scientific research has recently shown that practicing gratitude may be the fastest single pathway to happiness, health, long life, and prosperity -- something most spiritual traditions have been claiming forever!

So as your ONE THING today, try thanking someone for your life. We are leading magical lives -- lives where we twist our wrists and water comes out of the faucet. Lives where we can speak to people miles and even countries away. Lives where we can turn on lights 24/7. Our lives are full of magic the rest of the world barely dreams of. So thank someone.

Also, I want to mention that today, when I walked my dog around the block, I noticed that the rain had washed many worms out of the earth. They were struggling on the sidewalk. Much as I don't like to touch worms, I picked them up and placed them back in the dirt. After all, they are someone's parents too...

For my "do no harm" pledge, I am committing to leaving more time to get to things. I have a habit of cramming that one extra thing in, and then I end up rushing, feeling angry at slower drivers, driving too fast, etc. So I am adding this to my list of things not to do for the next 30 days (now 28!).

Last thing... this morning my daughter surprised me by getting completely dressed, brushing her teeth and making her bed while I was meditating. This morning routine is something we normally struggle with -- a lot -- creating lots of stress in the morning. And today, she decided to surprise me as her ONE THING EVERY DAY to start the day with a better mood! Wow!

Do Good Be Good

This morning, I had two epiphanies -- the first was that our nature to suffer, to be dissatisfied, to want something more or different than what we have (I call this the "trouble in paradise" syndrome, where, no matter how beautiful the beach and perfect the weather, before long there's sand on the blanket, wind getting hair in the face, people on the blanket nearby are playing their music too loud, etc.), is what makes us human to begin with. That quest to tweak, improve upon, change, is why we're no longer walking on four legs and living in caves. So it's not inherently a bad thing. Actually, it's what brings most of us to the quest for enlightenment: Despite living lives that are about as perfect as anyone could wish for, most of us are still not really truly happy, and we want to change that.

The thing is, we can't change that if we go about it with the same set beliefs that got us where we are in the first place. Those beliefs were good to push us forward on the evolutionary ladder, but they won't get us to the final goal. That is, if we believe that getting more things, a better house, a better car, a better boyfriend, the next generation of iPad, is going to keep away those feelings of dissatisfaction, malaise, discontent, that inevitably crop up, we're making what my teacher calls "The Great Mistake." There is always something we don't have. When we get new things, their nature changes. The new car gets scratched; the new boyfriend has a different set of warts from the old one; the promotion brings with it an annoying co-worker, etc. Because everything changes, the rush of happiness we get changes too. And we long for something else. (Click here.)

This is why every great spiritual tradition teaches that the secret to happiness is 1. realizing that we've been completely mistaken about the true causes of happiness and 2. realizing that making others happy is the only way to make ourselves truly happy. Doing good feels good.

Second epiphany: If I'm going to make this 30 day "ONE THING EVERY DAY" pledge mean something, I have to not only "do good" but "be good." This means taking the vow to "do no harm" very seriously. Otherwise, my actions might cancel each other out, and not have the effect I want them to have. What's the good of doing one good deed every day, if I'm also speaking ill about someone behind their back or being irritable to people? So today my ONE THING is that I am meeting Samy's school's principal about setting up a new sister school program with Escuela Kimna'oj, the new school that From Houses to Homes is building in Santa Maria de Jesus, Guatemala. And my "be good" pledge is that for the next 30 days my cellphone will be in the trunk of my car when I'm driving. No more putting my family and others at risk!

So I will report back as time goes by on the effects of "do good, be good" over the next 30 days. In the meantime, here's an article from WikiHow on How to Be Happy, and also check out this website, which offers the 10 Keys for Happier Living.

One Thing Every Day

Today, I woke up feeling sluggish. All the passion and intensity I've felt since we got back from Guatemala seemed to have drained away. Up until this morning, I had been filled with a sense of urgency -- as if I had to make every moment count to be of service to the world. This morning, I awoke filled with lethargy. And I wondered if I would be able to muster my passion and enthusiasm, or whether I would lapse back into life as usual. Although my usual life is filled with a lot of volunteerism, it is also filled with the usual moments of irritability, malaise, and dissatisfaction. Like most people, I have days where I just can't wait for bedtime...

But then, I watched a film sent to me by my niece about the abduction of children in Uganda. If you don't know about this issue, you should watch it. It is horrifying and I immediately had to do something about it. So I did. I watched the movie, I signed a pledge, I made a donation, and I shared the link with everyone and anyone I knew. It woke me up. I decided to make a challenge for myself -- to do one thing every day to make the world a better place. And I created a facebook page for the challenge -- because if I do it publicly, I will hold myself accountable.

So here's my challenge: Take a pledge that for the next 30 days, you will do something -- ONE THING EVERY DAY -- to make the world a kinder, gentler, better place. It can be donating to a cause, picking up litter you see on the street, reaching out to someone in need, volunteering at a school, soup kitchen, animal shelter -- just ONE THING EVERY DAY -- and share it to inspire others. Feel free to re-post, share with all your friends, etc!

I hope that we'll share causes and inspire each other to do good and be good. We can't all do big acts every day. But if we keep it small, we'll see that doing something good and generous for 30 days is very possible. To quote from one of my favorite books, The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: "whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world..." So flap your wings people!

I Can Do Something

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do. Helen Keller

Our family just returned from our fifth trip to Antigua, Guatemala. We first went in February 2010 with the amazing organization From Houses to Homes (FHTH) to build a house for a poor Mayan family up in the Guatemalan highlands. The trip inspired us so much that we have returned again and again, building a second house, "adopting" our families, becoming godparents to the son of one of the Guatemalan workers on our build crew and "adopting" his family, and creating a sister school program between our youngest daughter's school and a school sponsored by FHTH.

Like most kinds of volunteer work, these trips enrich us beyond anything we can possibly give. We come home with a real sense of how blessed our lives are. We have the time for things like yoga in a beautiful studio. We have disposable income for so many things beyond the bare necessities. We have running water at the twist of the wrist -- and hot water to boot -- and it's drinkable! Truly, we are leading magical lives. So why do most of us experience dissatisfaction and frustration with our lives on a daily basis? Take me for example. For the last few months, I have been feeling dissatisfied with my house because it doesn't have a powder room on the first floor. Yes, we have 3 full bathrooms, but sometimes, it's just so annoying to have to go up or down a flight of stairs to pee ... So I have spent a lot of time thinking about how and where we can possibly put a powder room on the first level ... This visit to Guatemala, where our families have no bathrooms at all, but simply holes in the ground surrounded by dried cornstalk "walls" with a door made out of a torn piece of fabric, was just what I needed to knock some sense into me.

This is what witnessing or experiencing suffering does - it knocks sense into us. Whether it's the plane suddenly dropping, or losing a loved one before his or her time, or experiencing a grave illness ourselves, or getting out of our normal lives and seeing how so many others live, we NEED these experiences to make us appreciate all that we have and shift our perspectives. This doesn't mean that we become complacent and give up our goals, but it means that we understand that achieving them will not bring us lasting happiness. The pleasure we get from them is not permanent. Let's face it, we'll just find something else to want. So we have to GIVE UP THE IDEA that the perfect body, a different job, the right partner, the newest iPhone, A POWDER ROOM ON THE FIRST FLOOR, will bring us happiness.

So what will give us lasting happiness? Taking care of others. MAKING OTHERS HAPPY.

The poverty in Guatemala is overwhelming -- a 69% illiteracy rate, nearly two million indigenous families living in rickety cornstalk shacks lined with plastic garbage bags to keep out the elements, high infant mortality and short life spans. Obviously, I am not going to eliminate it with my efforts, but that doesn't mean that I should stop trying. Back to the quote up top from Helen Keller -- Just because I can't do everything, I won't stop trying to do what I can do. And the thing is, while I am doing something for others that really and meaningfully improves their lives, I am feeling better about my life. I am increasing my happiness by increasing my compassion for others. I am realizing my own blessings by trying to give to other people.

So here's my question -- what is the something that YOU can do? And how will it make you happier with what you have already? Let's inspire each other with all the good things we do in the world and how these acts have changed our lives and the lives of others.