no more turkish delight

In C.S. Lewis's The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, young Edmund falls into the thrall of the White Witch, who plies him with enchanted Turkish Delight, which cause him to feel petulant, unsatisfied, and resentful of his siblings. The worse he feels, the more Turkish Delight he craves, and he eventually betrays his siblings to the witch. I thought about this story line today, because I have been feeling sour and dull all week. I have been just "getting through" my days, rather than living them with joy. Why? I think it is a direct result of how I WASN'T taking care of Freddie last week. By withholding compassion from him, I temporarily injured my soul. Viewing his injury and reaction to it as something he was "doing to me," was like eating poisonous Turkish Delight. The more I acted this way, the more I couldn't stop acting this way. I acted bitterly and sourly, and my whole week turned sour. And not only did I plant bad karmic seeds for myself, but also I modeled selfish behavior for my children. Plus, I complained to people, thus painting my lovely husband -- who goes out of his way to help and care for me -- in a negative light. But upon who was I really casting that light? ME.

So I'm not trying to beat myself up about this. Feeling guilty is just a form of self-indulgence. But I am trying to look at it from different angles and learn a little something. Really, how can I have expected to feel happy this week when I was not contributing to the happiness of one of the people dearest to my heart?