clearing the cache

I was just having a lot of trouble logging in. The log-in page kept refreshing. (Funny to think that this sentence would have made no sense to me a few years ago.) Google told me to "clear my cache" which is computer speak for "erase your browser's memory because it is too full and can't process new information." Once I "cleared the cache," the browser was able to "see anew" the log-in information and move forward.

Gerald Fischbach is a neuroscientist who has worked for much of his career on synapses, the connections between nerve cells through which information and instructions are passed during perception, thought and movement. As he explains it, "Memory is the scaffolding upon which all mental life is constructed." By relying on memory, we make sense of the present and contemplate the future via exploiting information from our past.

From a Buddhist and yogic perspective, however, we know that we are constantly seeing our world incorrectly. We view the world as coming "at us," not from us. (How often do we discover later that things were not as they appeared before?) If our mental faculty of memory is central to our sense of existence, and fundamental to our understanding of the world around us, and all of our thoughts and actions have been tainted by a mistaken view of the world, how can our experience of the here and now not be hopelessly flawed?

I thought about this last night when my ex-husband stopped by to have me sign something. Samy, so effusive in her love for everyone, kept hugging him and he was very sweet to her, and polite to me. He looked tired and fragile. I thought about how I would see him if I could clear my "cache" of memories and see him as if for the first time. This morning in meditation, I took this thought to other experiences, wondering how my memories are clouding my experiences of new moments.

In a beautiful Sanskrit workshop on Saturday, Manorama said, "memory is a prism that distorts our experience of reality." And it's true. When we are constantly carrying into the present moment memories from past experiences, we are never truly open to that present moment. This is not to say that all memories are bad. But sometimes they get in the way. Sometimes, as Lama Marut says, you need to question your "default settings." Sometimes you need to "clear the cache" and start fresh.